Man i havent been on lj in a hellava long time. but i always say that, because i dont really take the time to post anything meaningful online. but man, i need to bitch about life. i hate life. i feel like i'm just going through puberty, both in the good and the bad way. good being i feel like im learning new things and im in a state where i feel i need to change or improve myself. bad in that i feel really awkward with life, dont really know where i stand, and dont really know where i want to go. I sound like a fucking twelve year old: "D; who am i???? D; what is the meaning of life?"--crap

im definately at this point where i constantly rethink my career because
1. its one of those jobs that people go "really? thats pretty risky, are you sure?"
2. fucking competitive for being so low in salary on average
3. way too dependent on creative ventures and indivduality, which is super stressful
4. economy fucking sucks too damn much for a creative career to be worth anything
5. i suck at drawing D:

i hate work because
1. it sucks
2. i dont get paid enough to take the crap that i get from people
3. it takes more of my time than it should
4. i actually care about it. yes, that sounds like a good thing, but its a actually a horrendous thing because it explains points 1-3
5. it sucks even more becacuse i dont really have the guts to actually quit

my parents are fucking poor, and they are struggling with life at a time when they should be retiring
im afraid of becoming old and turning into them.

school is...fucking....ok, actually. even though its one of the things i worry the most about, and is one of the reasons why i hate everything else, im actually doing ok in it, and i am relatively satisfied.

im actually complaining, meaning this is pretty bad because i rarely complain

other than that im a happy camper

My work week has been absolutely hideous for the the week of 01/28.  Although i am supposed to be a part timer, i was scheduled for almost 35 hours during my first week of school. That can take a hideous toll on a starving college student.  I was so  exhausted, waking up at 6:30am for my 8:00am class, having school until 4:45pm, only to have work from 5:00pm to 10:00pm. The day after followed in the same sequence of misery, except i was working 8 hours instead of 5. So naturally, by wednesday, having had no real time to do homework or sleep, i was fatigued beyong all imagination and was forced to take the day off from work to keep myself from passing out. At the end of this week, i had only made $78.00.